In development, I'd like to have changes to my application propagate immediately. "MaxRequestsPerChild 1" restarts each process after a request, but if there are multiple server processes, changes still don't propagate until each process restarts.
I've tried several different directives to limit the number of server processes to 1:
StartServers 1
MinSpareThreads 1
MaxSpareThreads 1
ThreadLimit 1
ThreadsPerChild 1
MaxClients 1
MaxRequestsPerChild 1
Apache still starts with multiple (3) apache2 processes. I'm using the mpm_worker module
Having those parameters is very counter productive for apache performance, I wouldn't recommend them.
Depending on the language you're developing with you have different mechanisms to ensure a proper load of new code, but in any case the only way to kill all children at the same time would be to restart apache, with that you'll be kicking everyone out so I don't really think you want to do that either.
My recommendation would be to find the best way to reload code depending on what you are running, for example for python you can use mod_wsgi