What am I leaving out in enabling CGI execution under Apache 2.2?

I have a fresh Debian installation (if that's not an oxymoron), with Apache 2.2.x which I am migrating to after using Ubuntu Saucy and Apache 2.4.x, and I'm pulling my hair out about why http://JonathansCorner.com/index.cgi (used to serve the homepage) is giving a 403. An old, static http://JonathansCorner.com/index.html is working just fine, as well as other static pages within the site.

What I had remembered to do was add mod_cgi:

root@ps306627:/etc/apache2/mods-enabled# ls *cgi*
cgi.load  cgid.conf  cgid.load  proxy_scgi.load

And after a bit of searching, I confirmed that I needed ExecCGI and AddHandler directives:

    <Directory /home/cjsh/>
            Options +ExecCGI Indexes FollowSymLinks MultiViews
            AddHandler cgi-script .cgi
            AllowOverride None
            Order allow,deny
            allow from all
    </Directory>

I thought it might be that I hadn't explicitly said an index.cgi could serve the DirectoryIndex, but I have:

    DirectoryIndex index.cgi index.html

And furthermore, another CGI script at http://JonathansCorner.com/sidebar_index.cgi is behaving exactly like the homepage and gives a 403.

I've also restarted the server every time I made a chance I wanted to test. I checked directory permissions; the static content wouldn't be served if the Apache processes couldn't access the static content, and I double-checked and have confirmed that when I run the index.cgi from a shell as nobody it gives the output I want without a Linux permissions error.

What else can I give to let someone explain why I'm not plugging in all the things I need to plug in to get index.cgi to work the way it does executed from a shell as nobody? Here is a concatenation of my apache2.conf and 000-default.conf (I deleted 000-default; the configuration files are imported from an Apache 2). Still a little puzzled at what's going wrong:

#   
# Based upon the NCSA server configuration files originally by Rob McCool.
#   
# This is the main Apache server configuration file.  It contains the
# configuration directives that give the server its instructions.
# See http://httpd.apache.org/docs/2.2/ for detailed information about
# the directives.
#   
# Do NOT simply read the instructions in here without understanding
# what they do.  They're here only as hints or reminders.  If you are unsure
# consult the online docs. You have been warned.
#   
# The configuration directives are grouped into three basic sections:
#  1. Directives that control the operation of the Apache server process as a
#     whole (the 'global environment').
#  2. Directives that define the parameters of the 'main' or 'default' server,
#     which responds to requests that aren't handled by a virtual host.
#     These directives also provide default values for the settings
#     of all virtual hosts.
#  3. Settings for virtual hosts, which allow Web requests to be sent to
#     different IP addresses or hostnames and have them handled by the
#     same Apache server process.
#   
# Configuration and logfile names: If the filenames you specify for many
# of the server's control files begin with "/" (or "drive:/" for Win32), the
# server will use that explicit path.  If the filenames do *not* begin
# with "/", the value of ServerRoot is prepended -- so "foo.log"
# with ServerRoot set to "/etc/apache2" will be interpreted by the
# server as "/etc/apache2/foo.log".
#   

### Section 1: Global Environment
#   
# The directives in this section affect the overall operation of Apache,
# such as the number of concurrent requests it can handle or where it
# can find its configuration files.
#   

#   
# ServerRoot: The top of the directory tree under which the server's
# configuration, error, and log files are kept.
#   
# NOTE!  If you intend to place this on an NFS (or otherwise network)
# mounted filesystem then please read the LockFile documentation (available
# at <URL:http://httpd.apache.org/docs/2.2/mod/mpm_common.html#lockfile>);
# you will save yourself a lot of trouble.
#   
# Do NOT add a slash at the end of the directory path.
#   
#ServerRoot "/etc/apache2"

#   
# The accept serialization lock file MUST BE STORED ON A LOCAL DISK.
#
LockFile ${APACHE_LOCK_DIR}/accept.lock

#
# PidFile: The file in which the server should record its process
# identification number when it starts.
# This needs to be set in /etc/apache2/envvars
#
PidFile ${APACHE_PID_FILE}

#
# Timeout: The number of seconds before receives and sends time out.
#
Timeout 300

#
# KeepAlive: Whether or not to allow persistent connections (more than
# one request per connection). Set to "Off" to deactivate.
#
KeepAlive On

#
# MaxKeepAliveRequests: The maximum number of requests to allow
# during a persistent connection. Set to 0 to allow an unlimited amount.
# We recommend you leave this number high, for maximum performance.
#
MaxKeepAliveRequests 100

#
# KeepAliveTimeout: Number of seconds to wait for the next request from the
# same client on the same connection.
#
KeepAliveTimeout 15

##
## Server-Pool Size Regulation (MPM specific)
##

# prefork MPM
# StartServers: number of server processes to start
# MinSpareServers: minimum number of server processes which are kept spare
# MaxSpareServers: maximum number of server processes which are kept spare
# MaxClients: maximum number of server processes allowed to start
# MaxRequestsPerChild: maximum number of requests a server process serves
<IfModule mpm_prefork_module>
    StartServers          5
    MinSpareServers       5
    MaxSpareServers      10
    MaxClients          150
    MaxRequestsPerChild   0
</IfModule>

# worker MPM
# StartServers: initial number of server processes to start
# MaxClients: maximum number of simultaneous client connections
# MinSpareThreads: minimum number of worker threads which are kept spare
# MaxSpareThreads: maximum number of worker threads which are kept spare
# ThreadLimit: ThreadsPerChild can be changed to this maximum value during a
#              graceful restart. ThreadLimit can only be changed by stopping
#              and starting Apache.
# ThreadsPerChild: constant number of worker threads in each server process
# MaxRequestsPerChild: maximum number of requests a server process serves
<IfModule mpm_worker_module>
    StartServers          2
    MinSpareThreads      25
    MaxSpareThreads      75
    ThreadLimit          64
    ThreadsPerChild      25
    MaxClients          150
    MaxRequestsPerChild   0
</IfModule>

# event MPM
# StartServers: initial number of server processes to start
# MaxClients: maximum number of simultaneous client connections
# MinSpareThreads: minimum number of worker threads which are kept spare
# MaxSpareThreads: maximum number of worker threads which are kept spare
# ThreadsPerChild: constant number of worker threads in each server process
# MaxRequestsPerChild: maximum number of requests a server process serves
<IfModule mpm_event_module>
    StartServers          2
    MaxClients          150
    MinSpareThreads      25
    MaxSpareThreads      75
    ThreadLimit          64
    ThreadsPerChild      25
    MaxRequestsPerChild   0
</IfModule>

# These need to be set in /etc/apache2/envvars
User ${APACHE_RUN_USER}
Group ${APACHE_RUN_GROUP}

#
# AccessFileName: The name of the file to look for in each directory
# for additional configuration directives.  See also the AllowOverride
# directive.
#

AccessFileName .htaccess

#
# The following lines prevent .htaccess and .htpasswd files from being
# viewed by Web clients.
#
<Files ~ "^\.ht">
    Order allow,deny
    Deny from all
    Satisfy all
</Files>

#
# DefaultType is the default MIME type the server will use for a document
# if it cannot otherwise determine one, such as from filename extensions.
# If your server contains mostly text or HTML documents, "text/plain" is
# a good value.  If most of your content is binary, such as applications
# or images, you may want to use "application/octet-stream" instead to
# keep browsers from trying to display binary files as though they are
# text.
#
DefaultType text/plain


#
# HostnameLookups: Log the names of clients or just their IP addresses
# e.g., www.apache.org (on) or 204.62.129.132 (off).
# The default is off because it'd be overall better for the net if people
# had to knowingly turn this feature on, since enabling it means that
# each client request will result in AT LEAST one lookup request to the
# nameserver.
#
HostnameLookups Off

# ErrorLog: The location of the error log file.
# If you do not specify an ErrorLog directive within a <VirtualHost>
# container, error messages relating to that virtual host will be
# logged here.  If you *do* define an error logfile for a <VirtualHost>
# container, that host's errors will be logged there and not here.
#
ErrorLog ${APACHE_LOG_DIR}/error.log

#
# LogLevel: Control the number of messages logged to the error_log.
# Possible values include: debug, info, notice, warn, error, crit,
# alert, emerg.
#
LogLevel warn

# Include module configuration:
Include mods-enabled/*.load
Include mods-enabled/*.conf

# Include all the user configurations:
Include httpd.conf

# Include ports listing
Include ports.conf
# Include ports listing
Include ports.conf

#
# The following directives define some format nicknames for use with
# a CustomLog directive (see below).
# If you are behind a reverse proxy, you might want to change %h into %{X-Forwarded-For}i
#
LogFormat "%v:%p %h %l %u %t \"%r\" %>s %O \"%{Referer}i\" \"%{User-Agent}i\"" vhost_combined
LogFormat "%h %l %u %t \"%r\" %>s %O \"%{Referer}i\" \"%{User-Agent}i\"" combined
LogFormat "%h %l %u %t \"%r\" %>s %O" common
LogFormat "%{Referer}i -> %U" referer
LogFormat "%{User-agent}i" agent

# Include of directories ignores editors' and dpkg's backup files,
# see README.Debian for details.

# Include generic snippets of statements
Include conf.d/

# Include the virtual host configurations:
Include sites-enabled/

AddHandler cgi-script .cgi

# End apache2.conf; begin sites-enabled/000-default.conf:

        #<VirtualHost *:80>
        #ServerName media.pragmatometer.com
        #ServerAlias media.ccachicago.pragmatometer.com
        #DocumentRoot /home/cjsh/ccachicago/media
        #<Directory "/home/cjsh/ccachicago/media/">
            #Options Indexes MultiViews FollowSymLinks
            #AllowOverride None
            ##Order deny,allow
            ##Deny from all
            ##Allow from 127.0.0.0/255.0.0.0 ::1/128
        #</Directory>
        #ServerAdmin [email protected]
    #</VirtualHost>
<VirtualHost *:80>
    ServerAdmin [email protected]
    ServerName default.jonathanscorner.com
    DocumentRoot /home/cjsh/mirror
    RewriteEngine On
    RewriteRule ^(.*)$ http://jonathanscorner.com$1 [R=301,L]
</VirtualHost>
<VirtualHost *:80>
        ServerAdmin [email protected]

    ServerName jonathanscorner.com
    #ServerAlias dev.jonathanscorner.com
        DocumentRoot /home/cjsh/mirror
    RewriteEngine On
    RewriteRule ^[SANATIZED]$ / [R=301,L]
    RewriteRule ^[SANAtIZED]$ / [R=301,L]
        <Directory />
                Options FollowSymLinks
                AllowOverride None
        </Directory>
        <Directory /home/cjsh/>
                Options +ExecCGI Indexes FollowSymLinks MultiViews
                AddHandler cgi-script .cgi
                AllowOverride None
                Order allow,deny
                allow from all
        </Directory>

    DirectoryIndex index.cgi index.html
        ScriptAlias /cgi-bin/ /usr/lib/cgi-bin/
        <Directory "/usr/lib/cgi-bin">
                AllowOverride None
                Options +ExecCGI -MultiViews +SymLinksIfOwnerMatch
                Order allow,deny
                Allow from all
        </Directory>

    ErrorDocument 404 /missing.html
    ErrorDocument 500 /servererror.html
        ErrorLog ${APACHE_LOG_DIR}/error.log

        # Possible values include: debug, info, notice, warn, error, crit,
        # alert, emerg.
        LogLevel warn

        CustomLog ${APACHE_LOG_DIR}/access.log combined

    Alias /doc/ "/usr/share/doc/"
    <Directory "/usr/share/doc/">
        Options Indexes MultiViews FollowSymLinks
        AllowOverride None
        Order deny,allow
        Deny from all
        Allow from 127.0.0.0/255.0.0.0 ::1/128
    </Directory>

</VirtualHost>

<VirtualHost *:80>
        ServerAdmin [email protected]
    ServerName www.jonathanscorner.com
    ServerAlias jonathonscorner.com www.jonathonscorner.com johnathanscorner.com www.johnathanscorner.com johnathonscorner.com www.johnathonscorner.com jonathanscorner.biz www.jonathanscorner.com jonathanscorner.org www.jonathanscorner.org jonathanscorner.info www.jonathanscorner.info jonathanscorner.net www.jonathanscorner.net
    DocumentRoot /home/cjsh/mirror

    RewriteEngine On
    RewriteRule ^(.*)$ http://jonathanscorner.com$1 [R=301,L]

</VirtualHost>

Thanks for any help.